I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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