dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
