I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
