Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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