Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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