6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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