he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
