I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
