you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
