Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
