Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
