I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
