Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
