Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
