i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
