Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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