Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Enjoy the penises
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
