i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So vagazzling was a success
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
