I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
