your thong is hanging out like whoa
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
