I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my shit smells like andre
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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