Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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