Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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