She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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