Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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