Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
