Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
