I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
