call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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