We're facebook friends in real life
literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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