Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
