I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
