EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
