the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
