do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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