My nipple is on Facebook.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
