its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
What drink are we having for lunch?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
