I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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