the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
