oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
