Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
