The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
