So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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