Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How's work?
Spinning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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