Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
