yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
