I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
