I heard we made out
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
