we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
