So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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