so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
