she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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