im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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